The first time I had an orgasm whilst being paid. I finished the session- went straight to the toilet in the hotel reception and bawled my eyes out. I felt dirty and ashamed like this meant I somehow 'got off' on being a whore and was truly damaged as a person. I called another SW grieve and she talked me through it. My friend said "it's this simple - sometimes 1 plus 1 equals 2. Its just simple nerve ending mathematics. You had an involuntary reaction. It means nothing - just think of it as a Christmas bonus" it was December. That phone call and my community of hooker friends are the best thing that ever happened to me. Completely helped me rationalise my job and keep me in the right side of the bad thoughts which are 'this is who I am VS this is what I do?'
