Basically, I have been single or ‘in a complicated situation' since the beginning of my escorting career. I am not sure that this will ever improve for as long as I am on the game. I tried to sort it out with the ex, I have tried dating, with regular civilians and even punters! The latter ends up totally fucked up and I would not recommend it to anybody and vow to never to it again myself!
I have embarrassingly had a few encounters which have resulted in giving away sex for free. I have realised (finally!) that this is the aim of the game for punters: ‘get to know her, suggest platonic friendship, try it on, get free sex, game over'. None of these situations have ever involved respect or love. They are always utterly selfish and power hungry. I guess, if you meet in a sexual context, it becomes hard to differentiate **** (sex worker name) from the real me.
The real me, is moralistic, fierce, feminist, aloof and extremely hard to get! I am in no way a slag and when men view (the real) me in a purely sexual way I feel commodified, used and disregarded. These situations neglect the fact that I am a multi faceted human being with a variety of needs, desires and dreams, very few of which are sexual. I am able to compartmentalise myself to become ****. My alter ego has a time and place and is great fun, but then I put her back in the box at the end of the day.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good fuck , I love it with all of my heart and soul, it is essential to the creation of life!! I am also aware that the majority of relationships fail due to dysfunctional sex lives causing great pain, highlighting its importance. I regard sexual health (mental and physical) highly and expect my bedfellows, paying or otherwise to agree on this.
I have heard escorts talk about their happy and open marriage/relationship but I just cannot believe that a decent, caring, confident, well rounded and mentally stable man would be able to cope with his spouse sleeping with strangers, in an enclosed private space, for money…multiple times a day. The intimacy, the danger, the biological drive that men have to ensure paternity!
So what is my destiny? Who knows. I think I am gonna be a working girl for the long haul, at least until I am earning a decent and consistent wage and am on the property ladder. So, until then, relationships are out of the question. I think my family may start thinking that I'm a lesbian soon due to my lack of love life!
But, I can put my hand on my heart and say that I am very content being single. I can listen to my music, spend my money, see my friends and go to any party I want! I see relationship drama all around me, usually revolving around not texting each other back. My response to all that shit is “ain't nobody got time for that!” I do think, however, that this is an attitude I have created for the sake of preservation. If I allowed myself to fall in love, it would severely hamper my earning potential and therefore my education and therefore my career and therefore my future earnings and therefore my property ambitions….. too much risk!
Disclaimer: Don't you dare contacting me trying to be all “oh I can be your boyfriend, I would understand”…no, (this is the real me coming out now)…”How dare you!”
